North Korea Bends It Like Beckham
by British Racing Green
Summary: North Korea visits England on Boxing Day 2010. Rated 'T' for: strong language and mild adult themes. BASED ON TRUE EVENTS. This took me ages to write and I hope you like it. BE FIRST TO REVIEW.


_**I don't own Hetalia, Bend It Like Beckham or any other brand mentioned.**_

**Bend It Like Beckham**

26th December 2010.

It was late Boxing Day afternoon in London, and England was feeling peckish. Fortunately there were enough Turkey leftovers in the fridge to make a dozen or so Turkey sandwiches.

He had invited his older brothers and cousin over for Christmas Dinner and told Wales that he had cooked too much. But Scotland and Northern Ireland told him that he knew nothing about cooking and to leave Wales to it. But sure enough the four brothers and their cousin (Republic of Ireland) couldn't eat the whole bird without 'spoiling' desert.

Back in the present the weather outside had taken a turn for the worse.

"_Strewth! That snow really is hammering it down out there._" England said to himself as he looked out of his kitchen window. The sight of the harsh snowfall somehow triggered the older brother in him. "_I wonder how Sealand is getting on._" He thought to himself.

With that he picked up the kitchen phone and dialled Sweden's number. But it was a tired sounding Finland who picked up the phone in Stockholm.

"_Hullo, this is Finland specking. If you have any complaints about any gifts I gave you please write them down on a piece of paper, roll it up and stick it up your a-_"

"_Finland how's Sealand?_" England said abruptly cutting him off.

"_Oh. Sorry England. It's just I've had few too many vodkas and I'm feeling a little mischievous._" The Finn giggled.

"_Well just make sure France doesn't take any pictures of you. Italy said that he's always wanted to see Santa drunk. Is Sealand having fun?_" England asked.

"_Yes, yes he's having a great time. I just wish that Denmark didn't get him a fucking Vuvuzela._" Finland groaned as a loud single note filled both his and England's heads.

"_I don't envy you the combination of him and that, but can you tell him I called and it's snowing here as well._"

"_Okay, no problem. Bye England._"

"_Bye Finland._" And with that England hung up and returned to his giant plate of sandwiches.

He brought said plate into his TV room and placed them on the settee next to him. Picking up a TV guide England searched the listings trying to find a film as well as opening up a leftover bottle of _Hennessy_. When the film hunt proved fruitless his eyes wandered over to his DVD collection.

"_I do have quite a few DVDs. But which one do I put on?_" He thought to himself, cursing the agonies of choice.

The sound of England's _Jerusalem_ doorbell suddenly filled his house.

"_Who on Earth is that in __this__ weather?_" He asked his surprised self.

The blonde nation made his way to the front door as the doorbell received more and more increasingly impatient presses.

"_Alright alright I'm coming as fast as I can!_" England shouted as he fumbled with his keys. He had barely opened the door an inch before it was forced wide open and the person at the door had charged inside. The mystery bell ringer was covered by a flimsy red waterproof coat and had on _very_ old looking army boots.

"_HOW DARE YOU!_" England exploded with rage as he grabbed the intruder by the scruff of the neck and shook them. "_I COULD AND __SHOULD__ HAVE YOU ARRESTED FOR TRESPASSING!_"

However, England stopped shouting the moment he saw an extremely upset looking and _downward_ pointing curl pop out from under the hood of the coat. He calmly brushed away the snow on the mystery person's head and gently removed the hood, confirming his suspicion as to who this was.

"_W-what are __you__ doing here?_" He asked totally stunned.

"_Nobody invited me to their Christmas party this year._" Replied North Korea meekly.

"_But I thought you didn't do religion._" England said as he shut his front door.

"_Look who's talking. How often do you go to a Church?_" She said bitterly as she sat on the stairs.

England sighed and sat next to the younger nation.

"_Don't you normally go to the Asian Christmas parties? Who was hosting it this year?_" He asked her. She gave him no answer.

"_Oh. Your twin brother I take it?_"

Again no answer.

"_Well it isn't surprising that South Korea didn't invite you. You said you might blow up his Christmas tree._" England said.

"_I don't like where he put his tree. It showed me up._" North Korea said glumly.

"_And besides I was already on the train so I'd have to have radioed the order and I just couldn't be bothered._"

"_You also sank one of his Navy's ships and shelled one of his islands this year._" England said rather nonchalantly.

"_I __DID NOT__ SINK THAT FUCKING SHIP, AND HE PROVOKED ME INTO SHELLING YEONPYEONG ISLAND BECASUE HE AND __AMERICA__ WERE PLAYING SOLIDERS AND I GOT SCARED!_" She viciously spat before breaking down in tears, crying into her red and white Chosŏn-ot (North Korean for Hanbok).

"_China didn't even *sob* invite me to the *sob* the party as his plus one!_" She continued as England put his arm around her in an attempt to calm her down.

"_Really? I thought China was the type of chap who would have taken you._" England said raising one of his thick eyebrows.

"_No. He didn't. He hates me! He has new friends who arse-lick him because of how well his economy his doing._" North Korea grizzled.

"_He doesn't hate you._" England claimed in a stop-being-silly tone, but was immediately interrupted.

"_China __does__ hate me!_" She cried, going onto explain just why she knew she was right.

China's house in Beijing, February 2010.

North Korea had arrived at China's house by her train in the early hours of the morning. China didn't need to act surprised (because he was) but he did need to act like he was glad to see her at that hour.

After breakfast China told her to go and do some football training in his back garden. After all she had the World Cup coming up and she needed to be ready to take on: Brazil, Portugal and Côte d'Ivoire.

North Korea did her exercises and some shooting practice before coming back inside to get a drink. While she was in the kitchen she heard China talking to somebody in his living room. Eager to eavesdrop, she stood by the ajar door and listened in.

"_Well at least you actually remembered our conference call this time, aru._" China spoke to his TV, which had a live picture of South Korea on the screen.

South Korea's loud voice filled the room. "_Stop going on about last time, da-ze! I'm sorry, I just overslept that's all. Anyway China, how's it going, da-ze?_"

"_I've been better, aru. Your twin sister decided to show up at 4am-ish and said she wanted to stay with me for a while. She seems to think that because I'm the only nation who will call her by her preferred name that I'll bend over backwards for her._" China sighed.

"_You are aware that the worst kept secret in the UN right now is that she fancies the pants of you. Why do you think Russia hasn't been asking you to become one with him lately, da-ze?_" South Korea replied bluntly.

"_Yes I've heard that one, aru._" China giggled. "_But like I'm going to hook up with her when I'm trying to become more of a force in global economics._" China said seriously.

"_According to America she touches herself at night while thinking about you, da-ze._" South Korea said as if he were a cheeky schoolboy.

"_Aiyaa! I did __not__ want to know that, aru!_" China cringed. "_Hang on, aru. How does America know that?_" He quizzed.

"_Um...I don't know, da-ze. It is America after all. I can see why you wouldn't want to go out with her though. She's flat-chested (I've got bigger tits than her, da-ze), she's all skin and bones and her skin itself has this creepy grey tinge to it. You wouldn't know we were identical twins if you just looked at us, da-ze. Plus she still won't come clean on what, if any Nukes she has._" South Korea continued.

"_I know what you mean, aru. She acts like a spoilt child one minute then all innocently when we are angry at her for being a spoilt child._" China said rather out of the blue.

There was a short pause before South Korea responded. "_That was a little harsh wasn't it, da-ze?_"

"_No, aru. We're all tired of giving her money and her wasting it on who knows what. I predict that when her boss goes, she as a nation will fall in two or three years. The best thing to do would be to unite the pair of you Koreas under __your__ leadership, aru._" China blurted out, feeling his heartbeat rise as he did so.

Again South Korea paused. "_Uri nara mansae! That will be music to America's ears when I send him my next e-mail, da-ze._" South Korea smiled.

The conference then continued as normal, but North Korea had heard enough. She ran back to China's guest room and sent an ocean full of tears into the bed covers.

"_HOW COULD HE SAY SUCH THINGS ABOUT ME AND MY DEAR LEADER TO... __H-H-HIM__ OF ALL PEOPLE?_" North Korea yelled in her head. "_I AM __NOT__ A SPOLIT CHILD!_" She told herself as she punched and kicked the living daylights out of the mattress while still crying her eyes out.

Back on England's staircase.

"_But I was being really silly then and just now._" North Korea quietly told England who was stroking her hair, the final stage of calming her down. "_China would never say something like that about me._" She said closing her eyes which were beginning to sting.

England didn't have the heart to tell her that because America hadn't brought a shredder, tonnes of his documents had been leaked. And one such document leaked a month before stated that China called North Korea a 'spoilt child' along with his other theories.

"_Anyway North Korea, you must be hungry after your long train journey. What was it: Pyongyang to Moscow, through Europe to London then take the Underground to the station nearest my house and walk?_" He asked.

"_Yes. It took me about two weeks. I got to London on Christmas Eve and spent Christmas Day and most of today in my Embassy. I wanted to visit you because it's the tenth anniversary of when we started relations with each other._"

England felt bad now. North Korea had spent Christmas with nobody just to spend some time with him. Yes she was most probably very mentally ill, but surly every nation deserved to have a good time at this time of year.

"_Do you want to watch a film? I know you're a big movie fan._" England propositioned.

"_That sounds good. Can I pick which film we watch?_" North Korea asked.

"_Yes you may._" England said, and led her into his TV room.

He opened his DVD cabinet but suddenly reached a mental block.

"_North Korea, what films __do__ you like?_" He asked her. "_I like: 'The Godfather', 'James Bond', 'Friday 13__th__', Hong Kong action films and anything with Dame Elizabeth Taylor in it._" She replied spying the tray of Turkey sandwiches and the _Hennessy_ (her personal favourite).

"_Well out of that list I'd prefer to see a James Bond film. What about Die Another Day?_" England asked her.

"_No no no no no! That's the only Bond film I don't like. My people are the baddies in that film. And anyway I thought __I__ was the one picking the film._" North Korea insisted as she pushed past England to get a closer look at England's collection.

Her eyes scanned the mainly British made films until she found a film she had always wanted to see again.

"_This one. I've seen it once before at a film festival back home and really liked it._" North Korea said picking the case out of its place on the shelf.

"_Bend it Like Beckham! Are you sure North Korea?_" England said rather surprised.

"_It's a good Football film don't knock it. Besides we were both in the World Cup in the summer and this will round off our year._" She smiled and gave England the case.

England put the DVD in its player and then sat back on his settee, noticing that North Korea had already started eating (at some speed) his Turkey sandwiches. This didn't bother him too much; he was only going to eat them because he had to anyway.

After the film had finished.

After watching the credits England looked down at North Korea, who had snuggled up against him after she had finished all the sandwiches and most of his _Hennessy_.

This had caused her to doze off at some points during the film. England wasn't fussed about this though - America fell asleep whenever he was watching an English film.

"_England._" North Korea turned her head to face the male nation.

"_Yes?_"

"_Thank you for not turning me away like everybody else._" She said squeezing his sides in a hug.

England blushed and rubbed her arm.

"_Well I have to tolerate loads of other nations and pretend nations. Your nothing compared to my little brother._" England smiled.

North Korea let out a small smile as well, and then yawned.

"_Can I sleep in your guest room tonight?_" North Korea asked England.

England mused the idea for a moment before nodding in approval.

North Korea went to bed not long after that, the length and duration of her journey had finally taken its toll on her.

29 December, after the Bank Holidays.

England walked arm in arm with North Korea to the Tube station, brought her the train tickets and gave her the various currencies she needed in order to get back to Pyongyang.

When the Tube Train arrived North Korea quickly got in it, smiled and waved goodbye to England through the window.

England waved back as the Tube quickly pulled away, and before he knew it, it had disappeared into the vast Underground system.

He paused for a brief moment, then pulled out his mobile phone and rang America.

"_Hello America, its England. Sorry I haven't been in touch since Christmas Day but you are not going to Adam and Eve who was staying at my house._"

**The End.**

**Now for the background info.**

**Turkey sandwiches are a popular leftovers snack in England just after Christmas because we always cook too much for Christmas Dinner.**

**Denmark was in the 2010 FIFA World Cup and **_**would**_** have brought **_**several**_** Vuvuzelas.**

_**Jerusalem**_** is what I believe England's national anthem should be.**

**The North Korean government sees organised religion as a way the leadership could be challenged, so many citizens are nonreligious. North Korea is an atheist state.**

**England (and Britain as a whole) has one of the lowest Churchgoing populations in Europe.**

**I'm Church of England (because I was born in England) but I'm a card carrying atheist. I see Christmas as celebrating the end of the current year and providing people with gifts in order to make the next year even more enjoyable for them. Easter...I just like the chocolate.**

**Though both Koreas (in Hetalia that is) were liberated on the same day, 15 August 1945, South Korea took exactly three years to proclaim its government. North Korea took until 9 September 1948, thus making South Korea the older twin.**

**South Korea lit up a giant Christmas Tree in December 2010 which was visible from North Korea, who said this was part of a propaganda war, leading to fears they might fire on it.**

**On 26 March 2010, the ROKS **_**Cheonan**_** was sunk taking 46 South Korean sailors with it. An independent investigation blamed North Korea, which denies the allegations.**

**On 23 November 2010, North Korea shelled Yeonpyeong Island, saying it was in response to ongoing military manoeuvres in the region by South Korea and America.**

**At this point in time, China was only weeks away from becoming the second largest economy in the world.**

**The FIFA World Rankings for February 2010 listed Brazil as #2 in the world, Portugal as #5 and Côte d'Ivoire as #22, while North Korea as #85. They had all been drawn in the same group for the 2010 World Cup the previous December.**

**North Korea's official name is the 'Democratic People's Republic of Korea'. I like to think that China is the only nation who calls her DPRK.**

**A document dated 22 February 2010, says that South Korea's vice-foreign minister was told by two Chinese officials that they believe the two Koreas should reunite under the South's control. The document also predicted North Korea would collapse as a country after Dictator Kim Jong-il's death. Also, economic and food aid to North Korea is rumoured to go to the military and nuclear programmes and not to the people who need it most.**

**In late November 2010, the **_**WikiLeaks**_** website published an American cable that stated what China had told South Korea, who had then told America. The term 'Spoil Child' was the main eye catcher on the news websites.**

**Both Kim Il-sung and Kim-Jong-il had/have a fear of flying (Aerophobia). Kim Jong-il has an armoured train that takes him out of the country on his rear foreign visits.**

**The Trans-Siberian Railway takes just over nine days to get from Pyongyang to Moscow, and from Moscow to London is easily doable by train.**

**According to experts, Kim Jong-il has the 'Big Six' personality disorders that: Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin and Saddam Hussein had. These are: Sadistic, Paranoid, Antisocial, Narcissistic, Schizoid and Schizotypal.**

**Kim Jong-il is said to have thousands of tapes and DVDs in his collection and in this story, North Korea lists his (supposed) favourites and dislikes.**

**In the early 1990s, **_**Hennessy**_** confirmed that Kim Jong-il was their best customer, spending around US$600,000+ per year on the cognac.**

_**Bend it Like Beckham**_** won the music prize at the 2004 Pyongyang Film Festival. On 26 December 2010 it was broadcast (though slightly edited) on North Korean state TV to mark the tenth anniversary of relations between North Korea and the United Kingdom. This was the first time a western-made film was ever aired on NKTV.**

**This took me so long to write and to perfect that reviews would be greatly appreciated.**

_**Please Review.**_


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